


Spider Smarts

by Ragingstillness



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, brief Peter Whump, but to heck with it it's cold as hell here, here I go creating a new story when I should be writing others or doing homework, no beta we die like spartans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 04:42:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17594825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ragingstillness/pseuds/Ragingstillness
Summary: A series of incredibly short drabbles based off of a series of spider facts I posted on my tumblr.





	1. Spiders dance to attract mates, doing something that resembles the YMCA. However, if the male spider does not perform well the female will eat him.

MJ was so cute. Peter could no longer deny it. She was badass, she was amazing, she was intelligent, and there were little moments when she could only be described as cute. And Peter could not handle it. Every moment when MJ’s nose scrunched up, or she sneezed like a kitten then glared at everyone around here, daring them to speak, Peter was overtaken by Bi Panic™. 

His cheeks would flush, he’d start fiddling with his clothes, and he’d end every conversation with “gotta blast” and finger-guns. Ned teased Peter relentlessly about it, but in the serious moments after Ned kept encouraging Peter to speak to her. And, when Peter was honest with himself, he didn’t have any reason not to. Except for one. 

The One™. Peter liked to assume it was simple teenage hormones kicking in, but reality informed him it was yet another side effect of the radioactive spider venom. Whenever he got close to MJ, especially when they were alone, he felt the inexplicable urge to dance. Something in him assumed that if he danced for MJ, and danced well, she would be interested in him romantically. 

Peter considered himself an okay dancer. May had taught him a couple of basic steps for school dances, and he’d gone through a hip-hop phase in middle school. But the spider venom didn’t want him to just dance. It wanted him to do the YMCA. 

It was difficult to explain to others what it felt like to desire to do the YMCA. He’d mentioned it to Ned, who didn’t understand, and mentioned it to Tony, and got nearly laughed out of the tower. 

May still didn’t know he was Spider-Man, so it was going to come off especially odd to say, “hey Aunt May I have a bit of a crush and every time I get near her I want to do the YMCA.” 

There was also an aspect of the desire that caused Peter’s heart to pound. Not with excitement, but with fear. He didn’t just have to do the YMCA for MJ, he had to do it well. The spider in him assumed something terrible would happen if he didn’t dance well, something that made his Spidey-Sense go off like crazy. 

The less sleep Peter got, the worse his self-control was. He had stopped a string of robberies over the past few days and was about ready to drop. He and MJ were the only two left after Decathlon practice. And Peter was weak.

MJ got up to leave and Peter lost control of his arms. They both shot up off his desk, creating the Y of the YMCA, then slamming back down when his brain came back on line. MJ jumped. “What’s got you, Parker?” 

“I-I,” Peter signed. “Can I do something super weird and you won’t judge me for it?” 

MJ snorted. “Sure.” 

Peter stood up and walked over to stand in front of her. There was no going back now. Worst case he’d weird MJ out so much she’d never talk to him, and best case she’d laugh it off. But he’d brought it up, so he had to follow through. 

He met MJ’s gaze. She was…was she blushing? Peter blinked. Okay… Now or never. Peter felt his face flush as well, then his arms came up and he did a quick, dramatic version of the YMCA. 

MJ blinked. “Ok? Is that it?” 

“Yeah.” Peter slumped, afraid to see how she’d react. 

“Well you’ve got nice moves.” 

Peter’s head snapped up and an unnatural amount of joy swept over him. “Really?” 

“Yeah. You’ve got good muscles and a dancer’s body. Dance team try-outs are next week, right?” 

Peter pulled his lips in. “Oh yeah, uh yeah that’s what I’m doing. Trying out. You know, next week. I don’t know the time. I might miss it. Thanks for your feedback.” Peter mentally smacked himself. ‘Thanks for your feedback?!’ What kind of sentence was that? 

But MJ smiled, and that kind expression melted the awkwardness from Peter’s whole body. 

“Come on Parker, let’s blow this popsicle stand.” 

“Sure, sure, I’ll be right with you.” Peter ran back to his backpack, then came to even with MJ, walking out of school side by side. 


	2. Spiders have blue blood because their blood has copper in its equivalent of hemoglobin.

“He’s blue!!! My son is blue!!” 

Peter blinked. He knew that voice. He wanted to get closer to it, to wipe the fear away. 

“Calm down, Man of Iron. Have you never fought a Jorögumo before?” 

“A Joro-what? What does that have to do with Peter?” 

Peter blinked again, his eyelids feeling less glued together this time. With his increased awareness came a throbbing sensation in his abdomen and a sharper pain in the bend of his elbow. He tried to make a noise, but the arguing voices drowned him out. 

“Jorögumos are giant spiders found on Asgard. We nickname them the Royals because their blood is blue.” 

The first voice started to sputter but a new one cut in. “Tony, he’s right. Spiders have blue blood. Their version of hemoglobin has copper in it, turning the blood blue.” 

This time Peter managed to make a louder noise and open his eyes completely. Recognition took a bit longer but when it returned, he recognized the three men arguing in his room. Mr. Stark, Dr. Banner, and Mr. Loki crowded his bed. Mr. Stark’s hands were in his hair, tugging at it. Dr. Banner was fiddling with the IV stand that was inserted into Peter’s arm. Mr. Loki, surprisingly, had laid his hand atop Peter’s, surrounding their clasped hands with green mist. His hands were also stained a deep blue, much like the rest of Peter’s middle, which glimmered with the liquid coating it. 

Peter’s memory slammed back into him, making him gasp. Mr. Loki had stopped by while Peter was on patrol and invited himself onto Peter’s nightly rounds. They had come upon a whole bunch of people menacing one man in an alleyway holding a briefcase. The man was yelling about revealing what the soldiers were doing and the soldiers were getting ready to kill him. 

Mr. Loki bade Peter to stay on the roof and provide cover fire while he went down to save the man, but Peter had ignored his orders when the fighting got too close to evenly matched. He had dropped down and taken out two of the guys before one of them got under his guard. There was a flash of silver, a ripping sensation on his side. He heard Mr. Loki scream his name, then he hit the ground. 

A wave of green rushed over him as his vision faded. The last thing he saw was Mr. Loki reaching for him, panic widening his eyes until they were green apples. 

Tony saw Peter was awake and got even closer in his space, falling to his knees and taking hold of Peter’s other hand. “Hey kid,” he said, voice weak. “You alright?” 

Peter nodded. He coughed. “I,” his voice was raspy. “I’m good Mr. Stark.” 

“I’m glad. You had us all scared for a long time. Tell me you’ll take my new suit now.” 

Peter nodded, unable to speak anymore. Mr. Stark seemed to realize his predicament and fed Peter a series of ice chips from his own fingers. Peter flushed, feeling a bit like a baby bird. 

He looked over at Mr. Loki, who he realized was healing his side now. Peter felt a rush of gratitude to the Reserve Avenger. Mr. Loki’s magic had been severely limited as a condition for his residence on Earth. Peter had heard him complain millions of times that he couldn’t even teleport without exhausting himself. But Peter had felt the tingle that signaled teleportation before he lost consciousness and Mr. Loki was still expending energy, healing Peter faster than the medical care could. 

He tried to meet his savior’s eyes, but Mr. Loki looked away. Peter recognized the look on his face as one he’d seen in the mirror and on Mr. Stark’s face all too many times. Guilt. 

Peter twitched the hand in Mr. Loki’s grip, squeezing gently. Mr. Loki met his eyes this time. “I am gladdened by your return to the land of the living spiderling. You are too young to be taken from us this early.” 

Peter coughed again, finding his voice. “It’s not—cough—it’s not your fault Mr. Loki.” 

“How many times have I told you to drop the Mr.” Mr. Loki’s voice had a touch of humor to it but Peter could see he didn’t believe Peter’s words. 

“It isn’t your fault,” he said again, a touch harsher this time. “I didn’t listen to you. I got hurt. I’ll learn from my mistakes. That’s what you always say, Mr. Stark.” 

Mr. Stark nodded silently next to Peter, his eyes suspiciously watery. Mr. Loki looked similarly choked up and simply nodded. 

Dr. Banner hummed, drawing Peter’s attention to him. “You were stabbed Mr. Parker. Your healing factor and Loki’s quick action saved you, but the weak material of your suit did little to nothing to help. I know you won’t want charity, but for your own safety and that of those you love I recommend you take Tony’s offer.” 

Peter nodded. Dr. Banner adjusted something else above Peter’s head, sending a floaty sensation immediately through his body. He felt his eyelids dropping. Mr. Stark’s hand went to Peter’s head, stroking his hair. Peter made a soft muttering noise, fighting to stay awake. He had just one more thing to say. 

“I’m sorry I worried you…dad.” Now his last sight was Mr. Stark’s face opening up, tears spilling down his cheeks, then Peter’s eyes closed, and he went to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter what what. Have some Iron Dad Spider Son feels. And a Loki & Peter brotp.


	3. Spider silk is liquid originally but then turns solid with contact with oxygen.

The water knocked the air out of Peter’s lungs. He gasped, trying to salvage the last of his breath. 

He squinted, seeing the Doombot dive into the water after him. It began to swim towards him. Peter’s eyes widened behind the suit mask. He had to stop it before it reached him. 

He glanced around. The lake could be roughly classified as shallow, only about 20 feet to the surface. It was landlocked, which meant people littered into it, which meant Peter was in luck. He spotted a cube of cement to his left, several bits of exposed rebar sticking out of it. 

Someone must have dropped it in the lake while they were constructing the park nearby. It was well known for having several blocky cement walls, doing wonders to keep kids in a limited area while also guaranteeing them scraped knees and elbows. The parent’s union Aunt May belonged to had conflicting opinions. 

If Peter could web the Doombot to the block, even briefly, he would probably have enough time to swim for the surface. His lungs already burning, Peter pointed one webshooter at the block and one at the Doombot. He fired. And nothing but white fluid came out. 

Peter blinked, regretting it when the Doombot only got closer in his hesitation. Peter fired again, thinking there was something wrong with the firing mechanism, but the same white fluid came out. He got lucky though, the cloud of white floating into the Doombot, and encasing it. While it was still more liquid than solid, it stuck the Doombot to itself and slowed it down. 

Peter did his best breaststroke to get away, hoping against hope he’d make it to the surface in time. Just as the Doombot was about to reach him and pull him back under, a heavy object crashed into the Doombot from above, and a large form dropped into the lake, picking Peter up by the waist and bringing him out into the air. 

Peter coughed and sputtered, meeting the eyes of his rescuer. He stared. Blinked, then stared again. 

“Thor?” 

Thor laughed. “Hello little spiderling. It is nice to finally meet Tony’s son. He has spoken at length about you.” 

Peter gaped. “Uh, well, uh, it’s an honor, you know, to meet you Mr. Thor. I’m a huge fan.” 

Thor laughed again, loud and booming. “I am not so impressive as your advertisements make me out to be, but I am always happy to meet a companion predisposed to be sociable with me.” 

He pronounced advertisement like ad-v-ert-teyes-ment, unfamiliar with the word. Peter found himself inexplicably charmed by it. He wriggled in Mr. Thor’s hold, freeing a hand. He held it out to shake. 

“I’m Spider-Man, or Peter Parker if you prefer?” 

Thor set him down a few meters away from the water where the smoking remains of the Doombot still floated, Thor’s hammer sitting atop the wreckage. Thor tilted his head to the side, looking like a confused, wet, golden retriever. Peter could see where Tony’s constant comparisons came from. 

“Are you not Peter Tonyson?” 

“No, no Mr. Stark isn’t my dad. Like, I’d be honored if he was and he’s often like my dad, and yeah, I’ve accidentally called him dad sometimes but he’s not the guy who helped make me, I mean, he did kind of make Spider-Man who he is but…” Peter trailed off. 

Thor grinned at him. “You speak as though he is your father indeed. But you are,” he cleared his throat and summoned Mjolnir causally back to his hand, tucking it into his belt. “’Found family?’ It’s a term my brother Loki has recently used to describe us. I find it very appropriate and heartening.” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah that’s it, we’re found family.” 

“I am happy for you, spiderling. Having a found father in the Man of Iron is a gift.” 

Peter nodded again. “I know.” 

Thor puffed up his chest. “In the interest of remaining in the Man of Iron’s good graces I should probably return you to his care. Tell me spiderling, have you ever dreamt of flying?” Peter’s eyes widened. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More brotps. I think Peter's gonna make his rounds of the Avengers, making friends as he goes.

**Author's Note:**

> I have not fact checked these facts it's just for fun. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @Ragingstillness.


End file.
